You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
