In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
