Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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