OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
