all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
