why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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