watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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