U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
