She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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