i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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