Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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