Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
