(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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