How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
