maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
