Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
