im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
