did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
