well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
