so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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