So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
