I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
