My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
