but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
