She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
