Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
