I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize