Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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