There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
