dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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