Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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