I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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