So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just pynch a tree in the face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
