first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
