My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
