i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
