we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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