My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
