Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
