When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
