I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
