Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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