6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
