he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
