Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
