I think I won the penis lottery.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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