I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
