butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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