My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
