Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
