Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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