she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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