My first STD was from a foam party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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