hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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