Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
