I cockslap morals
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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