my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
