I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
