why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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