I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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