My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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