Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
