so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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