I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
