you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
