i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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