He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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