Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
