you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
