He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
