I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
