My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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